Celebrating Success and Bearing Disappointment
Some Thoughts on Further Development of the Cape Cod Model

Sonia Nevis, protégé and colleague of Fritz Perls, co-founder of the Gestalt International Study Center, co-creator of The Cape Cod Model. (CCM) and mentor to so many of us, regularly implored us to not be satisfied with our theory. She wanted us to regularly see what could be added or changed or amended. It is in that spirit that I found myself revisiting a muse that regularly tugs at the sleeve of my awareness…for all the attention the CCM invites to “What Is” and “What Else?”, do we pay enough attention to the client’s potential emotional experience of “What’s Missing”?
As a practitioner, therapist, coach, consultant and trainer who embraces and teaches The Cape Cod Model (CCM), I am committed to it as an optimistic approach to helping individuals, couples, work teams and families grow, develop and become more successful. My active engagement with the CCM is built on years of seeing how it supports clients to mobilize their intention to grow, develop and become more successful at their chosen endeavor. This is done by inviting the client or client system to fully immerse themselves in their present experience…a very Gestalt intervention of noticing “What Is”. The result of simply inviting attention to “what is” embodies the potential for growth and development and can typically lead to a sense of accomplishment or pride…particularly when the practitioner invites the client to see the value is what was likely a heretofore unappreciated, disowned or disliked behavior. However, it has occurred to me lately that what does not get articulated with enough emphasis, and at times is even overlooked, is the full experience of the client in the process of noticing “what is missing”, what they aren’t doing, or are presently unable to do. And I worry that sometimes we forget or never even consider that this awareness can result in disappointment, embarrassment, and even shame.
As the reader will see from the brief scenarios below, and as noted above, practitioners of the CCM invite the client or client system to fully immerse themselves in their present experience…focusing on “What Is”. That simple process of inviting attention can often lead to a stunning awareness and celebration of the value of the present behavior. However, as noted above, at times it can result in the client having to cope with some amount of disappointment, embarrassment, perhaps even shame. And that by not appreciating, or worse, ignoring the disappointment, we potentially do the client a disservice.
Perhaps some examples from my own experience will clarify:
- A 26 yo young man came for therapy feeling depressed and confused. What I learned was that he had quit his 6-figure job and moved into his parents’ home. He had spent months alone in his room unsuccessfully being able to a “figure out” by himself how to move forward in his life. He became so distraught and frustrated by not being able to “figure it out”, that he had taken a baseball bat and destroyed a TV. I engaged with him by first inviting him to see the remarkable independence he valued and exhibited. And this awareness led him to feel seen and understood and pleased for his independence. However, he quickly discovered the grief and disappointment that his approach was not sufficient for achieving the awareness and problem solving he wished to do on his own, and actually sobbed deeply.
- A manager in a commercial bank recounted her struggle with a direct report who was so detail oriented that the work was exemplary but unfortunately always delivered late to the customer. When the manager learned to first support and celebrate her employee’s attention to detail, both manager and employee did indeed celebrate. However, it was necessary for the employee to recognize the cost of such attention was leading to her failure. And doing so offered her a path forward to success. And while her hyper attention to detail was a significant source of pride, this new awareness of her over reliance on submitting detailed efforts led to significant distress by the employee.
- In working with a couple that came for psychotherapy, one of whom was a psychotherapist. It quickly became evident that each of them was quite articulate in explaining why they were unhappy with their partner’s behavior. However, as a couple, their connection was limited as they were unable to suspend their own disappointment in order to learn from the other. And while they were pleased to learn an approach that might support their marriage going forward they were embarrassed to realize their limited skill at listening to the other.
What am I actually suggesting here? I’m proposing that a more complete model would have the practitioner specifically engage the client with inquiry about their emotional experience of what is missing. And this is because the emotional responses of the clients above…the young man’s tears, the direct reports distress, or the couples embarrassment, will not always be as apparent. Yet it is often present. And without a specific invitation to reflect on it, there is a risk of not raising to awareness a potentially new and meaningful “What is.”
Perhaps a final example will further clarify my point. Years ago, at the beginning of the 1st week of the Cape Cod Training Program, one of my colleagues and I were asked by Sonia to be a demonstration couple: Sonia would work with us in front of the assembled participants, and they would get to see a master working with the model. And so we did. I remember the enthusiasm my “partner” and I had as we energetically took turns bringing each other up to date on the previous 6 months of our lives. In line with the model, at some point Sonia interrupted, and with a warm smile she pointed out to how enthusiastically we seemed to be enjoying telling each other things. Which we were. And the very next moment I could feel my embarrassment that neither on of us had asked the other a single question. And of course this is what Sonia wished for us to know was less-developed in our relationship: that we seemed much more interested in “telling,” and that “asking “was not present. And while I was glad to see the ways that adding curiosity would make our relationship more complete, I have carried with me all of these years the nagging memory of being embarrassed it was missing. And I believe that had I been invited to articulate this embarrassment, my memory would be kinder and more forgiving.

About the Author
Stuart N. Simon is the Co-Director of Coaching at GISC. A Gestalt practitioner with over thirty years of experience as a therapist, coach, consultant and trainer, Stuart is a partner at Management Support Services, Inc., and maintains a private practice in psychotherapy and coaching in Newton, MA. He is also a consultant, coach and trainer for the Corporate Education Group© and holds the ICF Master Certified Coach credential.









